You Won't Believe When It's Completed
by NoseBridgePinch
Summary: Sharon Marsh and Stephen Stoch find themselves in a twisted trap from the jigsaw killer. Can the two work together to survive while each learning to appreciate their lives and the person they're married to? A slightly odd, if out of context Saw parody, but mostly an apology to the members of John's SPU forum.


Sharon's eyes fluttered open. She quickly sat up to be met with banging her head on a low ceiling. She groaned and rubbed her head. She took in her surroundings, a small enclosed room with an opening near the end. She carefully moved forward, looking for anything dangerous that could kill her. She had to survive; lord knows what would become of her family if she didn't. She crawled out on her hands and knees; a thin metal cord was around her neck, not tight but uncomfortable and unsettling. The chain it was attached to was rather long, long enough to escape the small room, but caution was still a big factor. There was a tape recorder near her, Sharon took a deep breath and pressed play, holding it to her ear.

"Hello, Sharon. How's your head? It seems aches and frustration have become a more familiar companion to you than your own husband. As much as one person thinks they can carry the weight of a once romantic marriage that has now fizzled out, it's a two way street. You have a partner in this game as well, a man who is equally ungrateful in his marriage. Bitterness between a husband and wife can't be fixed with simple objects of romance, but you two must work together to find a key for the other to be freed, before you snap under your own weight. You have one hour, the clock is ticking. Good luck."

Sharon looked down to see the lock around her neck was heart shaped and encrusted with sparkly jewels. A romantic necklace that bound her, cute. She poked her head out of the enclosement to see Stephen emerge from the other side, exact same device around his neck. He yanked and tugged at the metal cord around his neck. "Of all the stupid things they could put on me."

"Stop that, if you struggle it will only make it worse." Sharon called across the way. "We have to get a grip on our surrounding if we are to both survive."

Between the two was a large trench, held up by thin plywood over a long drop. If it collapsed with her or Stephen on it, they would be hung like a bastard at a gallows. The flimsy material was littered with objects of romance from a horror show, boxes of candy, stuffed animals and dead flowers all covered in blood. Sharon took in a deep breath of the nauseating site, hoping it was at least animal blood, but she wouldn't put it past the creators of this horrible place to slaughter past victims to recycle punishments.

Sharon poked her toe on the middle, if she was careful she could figure out how to escape. Across the way, out of reach for either of them was a ladder leading to a lit up box of antidote, and a door to freedom.

"Come on." Sharon hissed. "Help me find a key to unlock ourselves before we're both goners."

Stephen slumped against the wall he was near. "Oh what's the point of it anyway?" If I died my family would be better off without me. I have a hundred thousand dollar life insurance plan. My wife would probably be happier and I wouldn't be around to see what a terrible screw up my son is turning out to be."

"Oh stop being so selfish and think of me." Sharon said sharply, her voice rising." My family needs me and yours does too. I thought the point of this was to have us appreciate our lives and I seem to be the only one who wants out besides Kenny."

Stephen covered his ears."Don't tell me what to do, Sharon. I am not your husband and you can't boss me around. I hear stories of your nagging him driving him to drink and act crazy. Maybe your family would be better off without you as well."

Sharon took a deep breath, forcing herself to soften her tone if she had to reason with him. "Unhappiness and disillusionment with life is a natural process of getting older. We all have to suck it up and accept responsibility for at least our children's sake."

"I don't know, maybe we're prolonging the inevitable. This cheap trap will collapse soon, maybe we should take our deaths head on instead of sugar coating it, partner." Stephen stepped out of his encolsement and jumped up and down on the plywood, making the bloody toys and hearts bounce up and down in a comically gruesome way.

"Stop that right now!" Sharon shouted, quickly ducking back into her enclosure. "Men are such babies." Sharon reached for a toy elephant and ripped the head off it, surprisingly a key was in the middle. "Oh thank god." She yanked it out and eagerly jammed the key into the lock around her neck, it didn't loosen though.

"See that's what you get." Stephen stopped jumping and moved closer to her. "That's obviously mine, I could get out of here in a flash and go back to my pathetic wife and son and leave you here to die and rot."

"You are so selfish, don't you see? It was intended for the closest one to me to have your key. You can go off back to your terrible life and leave me behind like you would for your real wife. You never considered her feelings."

"How do you think I feel with you hounding me in the five minutes we've been stuck with each other? You're lucky your husband is only a drunk and an idiot. I'd snap if I were married to you."

"So this is the intention as well, to know how it feels to be married to the other to feel grateful." Sharon sighed. "Look I'm sorry; unlock yourself and try to find my key, please, trap husband." Sharon gave him a weak smile as she tossed him the key.

Stephen caught it easily and unlocked the rope around his neck. He sat up and rubbed his hands together. "Alright, the key was closest to you to teach me a lesson, so logically the key should be furthest from me. You better get off the plywood, honey." Stephen smirked at her as he went for one of the toys in the middle. He went for a blood splattered teddy bear and tore it open, wiping his fingers on his pants before going though the stuffing. "Nothing I'll try another."

"Time's running out. Toss a few to me, the faster we find it the better." Sharon said nervously.

Stephen threw some of the toys closer to him, at Sharon as the two worked to find the key. Soon a pile of discarded soiled toys sat next to each.

"Nothing." Stephen said, tossing the last toy into a pile of soiled fluff that had accumulated next to him.

"Really? You didn't try looking again?" Sharon's voice cracked in fear. "You think I was never meant to have a key? That I'm the one who wanted to live but never had a chance."

"Don't be silly, you were put here to nag me into helping myself. There has to be a way to get you free." Stephen's eyes flicked to the clock. "We still have five minutes, there has to be something."

Stephen got up and rifling through the discarded romantic items, candy boxes were kicked open, dead flowers scattered and picked apart, the ripped apart animal fluff scrutinized. Nothing.

"Maybe I can crawl back into the hole when the floor gives away until you can find help." Sharon suggested. "I can't die; I still have so much to do and so many people to take care of." Sharon buried her face in her hands and started silently weeping.

Stephen went over and put a consoling hand on her shoulder, eyes going over the only thing left. "Well it's a shot in the dark." His hands plunged into the remaining solid object left on the weak floor, the disembodied hopefully belonging to a pig heart. It was tough, rotten meat and when his fingers weren't enough to work through it Stephen went at it with his teeth, suddenly his hands grasped around something small a metal. He yanked out a key.

"Leave it to the woman to make a man rip his heart open for her." Stephen bent down to unlock Sharon as both quickly scrambled up the ladder towards the door, grabbing two bottles of antidote at the top.

The floor creaked and groaned once again before fully breaking away, all the bloody valentine items disappearing down an abyss as both looked on.

Sharon shuddered, trying not to think of just how close she had come, all thanks to assholish, selfish Stephen Stotch. "Oh thank you." Sharon's arms wrapped around his neck and her lips sunk in for a brief kiss.

Stephen recoiled in disgust, shoving her off him. "What the hell was that?"

Sharon's cheeks redden as she dried her tears and looked down the deep cavern. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. It must be all this stress, I could've gone down that hole."

"First of all you're totally unattractive, your breasts are too big, your waist is too small, your face is too feminine and you'd look better with even shorter hair. That's even more reminder of why I love my own wife so much." Stephen rolled his eyes as he pushed his way through the door.

Her looks probably were gone after being trapped in this horror house for two days. Sharon opened her mouth to argue, but she shook her head and walked back through the door back into the main room. She had survived, but she'd have to tell Randy about all this later.


End file.
